What About the Kids?:Raising your Children Before, During and After Your Divorce  by Judith Wallerstein 
If you have children and were to purchase only one book to help guide you in your parenting through divorce, this should be the book. Wallerstein, one of only several long-term reserachers in the area of divorce, finally wrote a parenting primer after 35 years plus of talking to divorced parents and children. This book is as good as having a best friend who talks to you in an honest manner - sharing important information that you don’t always want to hear but very much need to know and understand. Wallerstein knows her stuff. I think she is valuable, because she is not afraid to talk about the difficulties that children experience. SOmetimes we adults just want everything to be ok, so we forget that children’s vantage points are valid, too, even though they make make us look not-so-nice. She is a useful guide and reminds us that more than anything, our kids need us to be the adults, and this is not always easy during times of extreme stress and change.

Unmarried parents have a heck of a time finding any useful books on their situation. The few books that are available tend to focus on the legal rights of the parents, and not on the practicalities of sharing parenting with another adult.  

Most unmarried parents see themselves as different from divorcing parents and in certain sense they are right. Often they do not have the established long-term relationship that is being unraveled in the same way that divorcing parents have. Instead, they have have the equivalent of  what goes on during a new relationship - establishing control and figuring out how things are going to operate. This can be difficult when there is not a lot of love or trust, and the issues being clarified have to do with their children - their most important and protective relationship. Talk about high stakes pressure!

At the same time, unmarried parents have a lot in common with divorced parents. They are making the same decisions - determining legal custody, parenting time and child support for their children.  They are raising their children from two homes, just like divorced families. Just like divorcing parents, unmarried parents’ focus needs to be on how they can help their children’s lives remain whole, as the children move from home to home.  So until we get a number of good books for the millions of unmarried parents out there, let’s look past the language and get to the core of parenting from two homes.

Here are several books that, although written for divorcing parents, have solid information on  raising kids from two homes, and for figuring out some of the complex logistics of shared parenting.Joint Custody With a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex by Julie Ross and Judy Corcoran. Mom’s House, Dad’s House : A complete Guide fo Parents Who Are Separated, Divorced, or Remarried by Isolina Ricci How To Parent with your Ex: Working together for your Child’s Best Interest by Brette McWhorter Sember  Divorced Dad’s Survival Book: How to Stay Connected with Your Kids by David Knox Be a Great Divorced Dad by Kenneth Condrell Always Dad: Being a great Father During & After Divorce by Paul Mandelstein      

All of the books that used to be housed on gooddivorcebooks.com are now found here. I decided to put all of the books we carry in one catalogue on our parent company’s website. So, for all the divorce books you are used to seeing, just head on over to www.goodbooksnw.com. You will also find books on blended families and books on grief located there. Many of you will find some of those books helpful to you, too. 

This blog will be used to review books on divorce, and provide a place for my ramblings on divorce.  I will also ask other people I know - professionals in the field, authors, people who have gone through a divorce - to pipe in with their two cents worth. Hopefully we will be able to provide a lively space for all to explore divorce.